FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE, AND ALSO FOR EVENTUAL RELEASE, WHENEVER SOMEONE FINDS THE MEMO

Pawsitive Therapy Counselling is pleased to announce the opening of a fourth couch in our main consultation room, bringing the total to four couches, two chairs, one box, and a cushion that nobody is allowed to discuss.

Founder Dr. Biscuit Halloran said in a statement that the new couch represents a bold commitment to client choice. “Our research found that clients were spending forty minutes of each fifty minute session choosing where to sit, then reversing the decision halfway through. The fourth couch will not solve this, but it will spread the problem more evenly across the room.”

Features of the new couch

• A deep cushion chosen by a panel of three cats and approved by a fourth who did not attend
• A scratching panel on the left arm for clients processing anger
• A faint smell of an older cat, to ease feelings of being the newcomer
• A removable throw, which will be removed

Reaction from the community

Reaction has been mixed. Gerald, our mascot, welcomed the announcement by climbing onto the couch and refusing to leave. The Wednesday Group of Cats Who Have Been Left Alone Too Long said the couch was “a step”, although they could not say in which direction.

Nurse Wobbles, head of reception, said the announcement was irrelevant to her, as she remains the only cat who sits on the front desk, and that the desk is not a couch, and that anyone who disagrees can say so to her face.

What it means for appointments

Existing clients will keep their usual couch. Clients who do not have a usual couch will be assigned one at random, then complain, then be reassigned to the original. We expect this to take three sessions.

About Pawsitive Therapy Counselling

Pawsitive is a fictional therapy practice dedicated to the principle that you cannot lick all your problems away, although we invite you to try for up to forty minutes. We offer no real clinical services. Any resemblance to professional care is coincidental, and any resemblance to your own cat is entirely deliberate.

Media enquiries may be directed to reception. Reception will not respond.