Therapeutic progress depends on work between sessions. We assign homework, and clients decline it. Here is a gallery of recent refusals, shared with permission, or at least without objection.

Assignment one: Keep a feelings journal

The client sat on the journal. After three weeks the journal was returned with a perfect circle of warmth and a small amount of fur. Dr. Biscuit rated this as “technically complete”.

Assignment two: Spend ten minutes not looking at the window

The client did not go near the window. It sat beside the window, facing away from it, with every muscle straining toward the glass. We marked this as a partial success and a full tragedy.

Assignment three: Share a sofa with a sibling

The client shared the sofa for four seconds. We have photographic evidence, and an affidavit from the sibling, who says it was longer.

Assignment four: Say something kind to the dog

The client said, “I see you.” The dog heard, “I see you.” It was a terrible misunderstanding and the dog was moved to another house.

Assignment five: Eat slowly

The client ate slowly for the first three bites, then inhaled the rest. We have since redefined slowly as “any pace in which at least one bite is noticed”.

Assignment six: Reflect on a time you felt safe

This one produced our best response so far, a photograph of a cardboard box with the caption “Obviously.” We have framed it in the waiting room.

Assignment seven: Do nothing

Surprisingly, this assignment has the highest success rate. Almost every cat completes it with distinction, and many ask for an extension. Our practice believes this is evidence that the work is not always the work.

Closing note

Please remember that missing homework is not a sign of failure. It is a sign of a cat. We treat each refusal as data, and, once a year, we publish it on a poster.

Pawsitive Therapy Counselling is entirely fictional. If you have genuine concerns about your wellbeing, please speak to a real professional, not a cat with a laminated rubric.