This notice is for all current and former clients, and for anyone who may have walked past the reception desk and been looked at.

Accepted payment

Pawsitive Therapy Counselling accepts the following forms of payment:

• Dried fish, any size above a finger
• Wet food, tinned, with the lid removed
• One hour of uninterrupted lap
• A written apology, if folded into a small triangle
• Cash, which we will bat across the room

Unaccepted payment

We do not accept promises, credit, gift cards, or any item described as “a nice thought”. We do not accept payment in the form of a toy that has already been destroyed.

Late fees

Late payments incur a charge of one additional fish per week. After four weeks, the debt is passed to Gerald, our mascot, who will sit on your front step and stare until it is resolved. This has a one hundred percent success rate, and is also the reason our neighbours no longer wave.

Tips

Tips are welcome, though we ask that you do not describe your tin of salmon as a tip. A tip is something extra. A tin is what you owe.

Disputes

If you believe your invoice is incorrect, you may submit a dispute in writing. Please write in large letters and avoid ink that smells appealing. Nurse Wobbles will review the dispute during the next quiet afternoon, which may be next Tuesday, or some time in spring.

Insurance

We do not accept insurance. We do, however, accept clients who say “my insurance will cover it”, because it gives us time to eat.

Contact

Questions about billing should be directed to Nurse Wobbles, who will answer them with a look. If you require a more detailed response, she will arrange for a longer look.

Remember that Pawsitive is a fictional parody business. No real fees apply and no real therapy is offered. If you need a professional, please find one who accepts a different currency.